Saturday, September 6, 2014

A few scathing rants on a Saturday, anyone? Anyone?

It's time to get some rants off my chest; however, let this be a warning to any first time visitors; I have an impressive sized chest therefore this will be an equally impressive sized rant.  Go ahead...kick off your shoes, grab a drink and be prepared to hear some shocking revelations.

Bri and Her Husband, Eric
Since June 2008 I've written over 500 blogs and received some amazing feedback from people all over the world.  When I started posting my ramblings I would agonize over every possible grammatical error.  Should this be past tense?  Does a comma go here?  What the Hell is a hanging or is it a "dangling" participle?  You see, I never completed college.  I felt my writing wasn't good enough to share with the world.  WRONG!  What I realized eventually is that I'm not writing for anyone's approval.  Hello?!  Once I accepted this and wrote from my heart, I started connecting with my readers and this blog became what it was originally intended to be; a journal about my life be it funny or tragic.  It's honest and raw and I hold absolutely nothing back.  This blog is my working therapy session but the difference is I don't close the door, I let the world in.

Okay, so my dear friends and blog readers ask, where do these infamous rants begin? Well, let me tell ya...

The first one has been driving me crazy for the last several weeks.  You see, I did something to my smart phone (which wasn't smart) and now I receive notifications every time someone in this great big world posts a new blog.  Fantastic, I think or thought..or at least I did at first.

*** WARNING ***
If you are a sensitive first time blog writer or take insult to criticism then read no further.

BLOGGERS!  Are you seriously trying to destroy a perfectly lovely form of Internet writing?  Let me give you an example of why I scream on an hourly basis.  Here are some consistent opening lines which appear almost repeatedly:

5 (or 10) (or 20) Tips for Successful Blog Writing
---Um, sorry?  This apparently is not working for you because it's the first blog I personally mark for deletion.  And, by the way, who are you - virtual stranger - to give anyone tips on how to write a successful blog?  To quote one of my favorite movie characters of all time, Atticus Finch, "the unmitigated TEMERITY!"

Hi, my name is Chelsea and this is my first attempt...
---Like, OMG!  Seriously?!  Just stop at your second attempt before you have the entire world yacking in your too cute polka dot I don't give a damn bag.

Check out my blog!
---No!  Just no.

Hey, just started blogging any ideas...
---Really?!  If you have to ask, why the Hell are you writing?

And finally, my personal favorites, the posts with no titles or descriptions.  I can't wait to open what must be simply awe inspiring thoughts (complete and utter sarcasm).

Interesting blog writers of the world (and, by no means am I saying I'm one of them but damn, at least I have better bites than these!) UNITE!  Enough of this crap people.  It's getting embarrassing out there.  End of rant number one.  Moving on.

How ridiculous is it when you enter a public restroom which has an automatic toilet, an automatic soap and water dispenser but..here comes the caveat...a MANUAL paper towel dispenser?  There's so much stupidity here that I can't wrap my brain around it.

And now my third and final rant because the first one was so emotionally draining. Here I go, wait for it..."I don't got none."  There's nothing more to add to this paragraph.  I believe it's self-explanatory.

Until my next unruly rant or silly experience or melancholy day or need to ramble uncontrollably about my out of control life...I just don't got none more to say.  *belch*  Pardon me!