Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Yup, It's Broken...

There are a lot of bummers about broken bones.  One of which - oddly enough - is happening as I type.  I'm siting in an empty house, listening to one of my dogs puke someplace.  Can I offer her/him/it comfort?  No.  Chances are someone, hopefully not myself, will slip in it and break one of their own bones.  Sympathy?  I'll consider it later.

Another annoyance is the simple act of using the "facilities".  I've known folks who've broken toes by missing the "know-it-all-asses" of their children and instead planted them firmly into an inconvenient - but strangely enough - consistently placed wall (a sad, but true story shared with me by the mother of the "know-it-all's ass in the hospital waiting room).  Not I.  I break bones by just being an idiot.  Also, my choice of cracks, fractures, and chips always seem to occur on my driving ankle.  This is my 4th fracture and 3rd sprain; however, this time it's different - it's a combo situation.  Yep!  I did it gooooood!  A chip, a fracture, and possibly more than one multiple break which may culminate in surgery.  Jesus, Mary, and Joseph preserve us!  I'll find out this coming week.  Anyway, I digress.  There's nothing quite so romantic than staring into the beautiful blue eyes of my husband when I say, "Ok Eric, my granny panties are down.  Is the toilet seat ready?  I've got to go!"

Of course, this isn't sexiest moment of our marriage to date.  In all the years I've loved, teased, and slowly danced with my husband beneath the Christmas Tree; I've never, EVER thought I'd wake him up to announce, "Eric, I believe I just shit the sheets".

For better or for worse, you youngin's coming up behind us better have stomachs made of steel and complete devotion for one another.  Your spouse will be there for you and you'll need to be there for them.  This thought came up today when I was alone with my barfy dogs and swiping candy out of my son's Halloween bag.

My parents were committed to one another like Eric and myself.  When something gruesome happened, the other stepped up, no questions asked, and took care of it.  Yes, they giggled and laughed but what else could they do?  Marriage is a partnership in all things good and bad - for better or worse; for richer or poorer.

It seemed to me, as I was sneaking my greedy child's candy, that I had every right to it.  When did this relationship between children and their parents change so horrifically?  When did we - the Lord's and Master's of our own domain - have to ask PERMISSION to take a cheap piece of candy from our kiddos' Halloween bags?  Growing up in my house, it was understood that all suckers from cheap Dum Dums to prized Blow Pops belonged unequivocally to my father, no questions asked.  The same was to be said about boxes of Milk Duds.  To this day, I've never tasted the candy before.  My dad didn't have most of his own teeth either but well, these were the choices he made in life.  Mom, of course, could just help herself to any salty/chocolate combination when her "unfortunate time of the month" came blustering about. 

When did this alteration in candy rights occur?  I'm the grown-up now dammit!  I shouldn't have to slither about snaking bags of mini M&Ms because I have an occasional craving for chocolate!  I have broken bones dammit!  I'm crabby!  Nobody should be allowed to scream at me especially when I allowed him to use half my box of aluminum foil to dress as a bizarre and highly unlikely 14 year old robot.  Good God! 

Broken bones.  I hate them.  I've suffered through too many of them but as I consider that being an adult now with a broken bone leaves me with loads of laundry that I don't have to do, two bottles of pain killers, and meetings cancelled because I've been told to stay off my foot for 6 weeks.  I'm thinking maybe I shouldn't feel so bad about broken bones.  Guilt free bed rest, a dirty house, loads of laundry and miscellaneous dog barf somewhere.  Hmmm..  I think my pain is acting up a bit.  Time to take a pain med and a nap.  This may not be such a bad thing after all.