Tuesday, August 28, 2012

WARNING: Commence Panic Attack!

Panic Attacks.  They're awful.  If you, my dear friends and blog readers, have never suffered from these horrible maladies you've been blessed.  If you have, then you know exactly what happened to me last night.  For those of you who aren't familiar with how an attack feels, I'll try to describe one for you.

First, my heart starts beating uncontrollably.  It feels as though it's going to pop right out of my chest.  Then, my breathing becomes irregular.  I can't seem to catch my breath.  Of course, once my heart and breathing becomes unbalanced, I become lightheaded, I feel faint - I can't think straight.  My thoughts become irrational, I start crying which makes my breathing more fractured.

My attacks usually happen after a crisis.  I know this sounds odd, but it's true.  I'm a rock during an earthquake but once the danger is over I fall apart.  Last night was no different.  I hyperventilated so much so that I almost fainted.  This morning, my body aches and my eyes are swollen. 

I'm sure everyone is wondering what caused last night's attack.  Well, oddly enough it was the culmination of the entire day.  From the moment I woke up, things just seemed to go terribly wrong.  My oldest son broke his glasses right before school and then realized at the door that he forgot his lunch at home.  Hungry and blind at school.  Lovely.  When we attempted to find his spare glasses in his room, we couldn't.  This made my eyes pop out of my head with frustration.  I realize that kids lose things - trust me - which is why last year when my son argued and screamed at me that he was responsible enough to keep his spare glasses without losing them, I finally conceded.  Arrrgh!

As I was writing my blog yesterday, my 3-year old laptop shutdown.  Fatal Error.  Crash.  SCREAM!

I needed to go grocery shopping.  I have pre-printed lists which - thank goodness - I had the foresight to save on a backup.  I tried printing them off my son's laptop.  Printer error.  What the HELL!!!

Tank, my sweet dog who unlike Tulip, his counterpart, has not learned that getting sick on the tile is preferable to my expensive dining room rug.  He barfed not once but twice yesterday.

The district bus brought William home from school in the afternoon.  That was nice.  After a week of driving back and fourth four times a day between freeway off ramps to get my kids to different schools, the route was finally worked out.  Phone Call:

Bri:  "Seriously?  No one explained to the powers that be that my son is almost 17 years old and he can walk home from the bus stop by himself??!!  What?!  I can see the bus from my backyard and you won't let him off the bus?!  I have to meet him there?!  OH DEAR GOD IN HEAVEN!"    

I never made it grocery shopping so there was no food in the house.  My dear husband, Eric picked up Taco Bell for dinner.  Our youngest loves to complain about the quality of everything he eats.  He threw a temper tantrum, again. 

And finally, before bedtime I attempted messaging on Facebook to cheer me up.  I should know by now never to text anyone when I've had a bad day.  I'm always misunderstood or can't seem to find the comfort I'm looking for.  I logged off feeling worse than I did before signing in.

The day was a complete failure; commence panic attack.  Heart racing. Breathing ragged.  Face pale. Hands shaking. I took one look at Eric and I began crying.  I couldn't catch my breath, I  hyperventilated, and I vomited.  Two Valium, a box of Kleenex, and an hour later in the arms of my husband he whispered, "Tomorrow will be a better day, I promise."

Thank you, my love.  One day at a time.  One crazy, insane day at a time.