Friday, August 24, 2012

Office appointments with my kids - such good times.

Office appointments.  One would think, as my boys are growing older and learning my expectations, they would figure out how to behave.  Not so.  This is unacceptable and leaves me flummoxed.  It turns into my scolding one or both of the them, a denial of behavior (which I find quite amazing considering I witnessed the nonsense first hand), and eventually followed-up by a nasty argument.  It never ends well.  In fact, this happened just yesterday afternoon.  What an ugly, ugly day.  I normally prefer not to revisit nightmares so close to the actual event but I feel I must clear the memory in order to get back onto the bicycle - so to speak.  Here I go...

Austy, my 14 year old, had a rough day at school.  He's currently in an autistic special needs class for high school freshmen.  On our way to one of his myriad of weekly therapy appointments, he brought to my attention that someone had "stomped" on his lunch and destroyed everything except for his sandwich forcing him to throw the rest of it away.  My son has quite a penchant for storytelling.  Knowing him as well as I do, he was implying that he wanted a larger than usual snack when he got home.  I told him I was going to give him a chance to tell the truth before verifying the tale with his teacher or he'd lose his hour of video game privileges for fibbing to me.

"Go a head, I'm tellin' ya the truth."

I called his bluff and his teacher.  The story was totally off.  Things did happen in class but not to the extent of what he'd claimed.  His lunch was stepped on "by accident".  Half of Austynn's banana had to be thrown away, the rest of his lunch was eaten.

"See, I told ya!" 

"Austynn, what you told me was incorrect."

"YA MUST HAVE MISUNDERSTOOD!  YA AREN'T TAKING AWAY MY Wii PRIVILEGES!"

And so it began; the ranting and raving.  Once a discipline is established, it must be withheld.  Austy had lost his Wii time for lying to me.  It was an awful 15 minutes in the therapist's office.  I was a monster.  I was stupid.  I was a liar.  The therapist and I listened and waited it out.  There was no going back.  He did not get what he wanted.  The other parents in the waiting room watched and knew what was happening; after all, their kids were in the office for the same problems.  Finally Austynn settled down and apologised.

While Austynn was finishing up with his therapist, I ran out to pick up William from school and then returned for my younger monster.  Oh, I was having so much fun!  Big monster had an appointment for his ear, nose, and throat specialist.  Off we went. 

When big monster and little monster are in the same doctor's office together, all Hell breaks loose.  Why, my friends and blog readers ask, don't I leave little monster in the waiting room?  Because little monster has a problem with talking the ears off of complete strangers and annoying them within 30 seconds.  I have too much compassion for my fellow mankind to allow this to happen; therefore, I bring little monster in with big monster so they can merely annoy their mother and the doctor.

Because my boys have Aspergers, they know everything.  When the doctor asked a question about my older son's Sleep Apnea machine, my older son - of course - knew the make, model, and year it was produced (not really, but he thinks he does).  Now, if this wasn't annoying enough, he had to tell the doctor while the doctor was talking to me.  Throw in my other know-it-all, aspergian child, who's an expert on motors and creating fires from wires and paper clips, who spoke over his brother and the doctor to comment that the motor was some sort a bi-product of nuclear fusion, and I had an office of raving teenage lunatics on my hands.

Finally, the doctor commented on William needing some nasal spray for his sinus'.  Lovely.  William started talking - again - over the doctor about the machine's ability to "suck in" the nose drops (what the fuck?) while Austynn had his finger half way up his nose searching for an elusive booger (SERIOUSLY?)!  I was horrified thinking, "Can we just go now?  My children are humiliating me beyond every possible level."

"Austy, I can't believe you were picking your nose in there!"

"I WASN'T PICKING MY NOSE!  YA MUST HAVE MISUNDERSTOOD!"

Oh NO!  THIS AGAIN!!  I'm going home and crawling under my covers.  Today is officially OVER!