Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Yes, I've done a few crazy things...

Friends often ask me what are some of the craziest things I've done.  In 45 years, I can't clearly remember to be honest.  I've done a lot of stupid things and, as I reminisce, the stories will eventually come back to haunt me.  Some make me laugh out loud, some I'm ashamed of and would rather keep locked away denying I had any hand in them.  Even as I type this morning, I'm struggling to remember the worst of them though I know there are dozens tucked away in my vaults.
Bob Big Boy

It helps too that I came from a rather wild family of siblings who always had something naughty in the works.  My poor parents, or I should say, my poor mother.  I believe my father revelled in our stories - of course, after the fact.  As long as his hoodlum kids weren't caught and/or arrested, I believe he relished in our deeds.  We, the four older kids, would sit around the dinner table months later laughing hysterically recounting the dangerous situations which we placed ourselves in.  My dad would listen in rapt attention, eyes gleaming, and giggling along with us.  My mother, on the other hand, would look horrified that her children had been driving around the streets of Los Angeles creating such havoc and chaos. 

One night, my brother, sisters, myself, and some friends caravaned to a local graveyard where we were going to toilet paper the head stones.  Now, I realize this sounds awful; however, this was all we'd intended on doing.  We had no spray paint.  We weren't going to deface property.  It was a very foggy, macabre night.  It was an old, unattended graveyard in the center of town, and of course - it was October.  We felt it would make the place look frightening to passersby and, certainly - it was terrifying for us as we were doing it.

I happened to get stuck in my sister's friend's car who was a college transfer student from Iran.  He was completely out of his mind with fear.

"Let me out of the car, Hamid!"

"NO, Maria!  Dis is terrifying!  I will not let you go!"

"WHAT?!  What's wrong with you?!  Let me out, I'm missing all the fun!"

"NO, MARIA!!!  DERE IS BAD KARMA IN DIS! NO!!"

"OH MAN!  Hamid, you are such a total bummer!"

I ended up watching the experience being trapped in the back seat of a fogged up Toyota Hatchback.

Another time, my oldest sister, Ellen planned a "Mystery Kabal".  The idea was to get a large contingency of our friends together, separate them into teams, and with clever clues, lead them to unique spots throughout Los Angeles.  The first team back to my parent's home would win a prize.  This was a fantastic idea; however, LA isn't the safest city in the country.  Also, we - us - our friends - were mainly white, upper to middle class, privledged kids from the 'burbs.  Has anyone caught my drift yet?  Obviously, we didn't think this through very clearly.  We were very lucky to have made it back without any major problems.

Unfortunately, my mother felt the night of the party was the best evening to force me into a date with a "nice young man" I went to grade school with and he wanted NO part of the scavenger hunt.  He wanted to go to a Christian Rock concert.  LOVELY!!!  This was not one of my better dates; however, I did have a chance to set up the clues earlier in the day with my brother and sister which was an adventure in itself.

Clues were hidden in open crypts at the Hollywood Cemetery as well as other well known landmarks throughout the city.  At one point we attempted trespassing on Houdini's property off of Mulholland Drive.  When my brother Paul saw the first small dog, he convinced Ellen and I that the little feller was nothing to be afraid of - that was until a swarm of 15 little fellers chased us off the property and over the fence.  The final clues were taped underneath the Bob's Big Boy statue outside of the restaurant in our home town of Downey, California.

My great disappointment was not being able to see the reactions on the customer's faces when groups of wicked young adults began groping at the statue's crotch while they were eating their meals.  No - instead, I was at a concert where the band members were trying to have their fans "reborn" with water.  Drat, what a devil of a night I missed!!