Saturday, July 28, 2012

Eric is snoring...what to do?

It's about 9:00am MST and I'm listening to my beloved, my dearest, my husband, Eric snoring in bed beside me.  His snore is sweet.  It's not like my dad's growing up, his was horrific.  I could hear my pop's howling from my bedroom which the down the hall and through two thick walls.  I honestly don't know how my mom managed to sleep next to him all those years.  Even with Eric's quieter rumbling, I still need earplugs from time to time.

Now, I'm not perfect.  When I was at my heaviest weight, I was informed I roared like a freight train.  I made Eric suffer to such an extent that he would literally poke and push me while I was sleeping in order for him to get a few moments of peace and quiet.  I have no doubt I caused many dark circles under his eyes; however, he is supplying me with more than enough retribution these days.

As I mentioned, I was desperate enough at one point to actually purchase earplugs; "Quiet Time, Comfort Foam Ear Plugs" - a 50 pair container.  I am down to my last 2 pair.  It's time to buy more.  At this moment, he is wrapped with the sheet around his bare shoulders and his lips are flapping with every exhale of breath.  As he inhales, he's using both his nose and mouth making a very high pitched, bizarre whine.  This noise actually woke the dogs and frightened them off the bed.  Tank is hiding in the bathroom and Tulip, well -  I'm not sure where she is.

In the past, I've been extremely naughty and placed my finger just below his air passages to see what would happen.  I tend to do these sorts things to my husband.  I set traps, tease him, go out of my way to devise new and interesting practical jokes - I can't stop myself.  I'm simply diabolical.
 
I once wrote a very long and creative "ode to poop" on several sheets of toilet paper in our master bathroom.  It was agonizing because I'd never considered that Eric would take care of his "business" at work and that of course, being a man, he wouldn't otherwise need toilet paper.  It was necessary to use the guest bathroom until I heard his laughter resonating through the house on Saturday morning.  It made my inconvenience thoroughly worthwhile.

Eric gets ready for work early in the morning and like most folks, it's difficult to get moving.  The shower is what tends to jump start his day soooo there have been times I've assisted in this department.  There's always the cold water dump over the shower door..I LOVE this one.  I can't count how many screaming water fights I've started at 5:00am on a Tuesday morning; however, one of my personal favorites is the simple, startle-Pottsie-to-death technique.  Eric tends to shower with his eyes closed.  What I love to do is walk quietly up to the shower door, have a stupid bug-eyed look on my face, and when his eyes open for a split second, he jumps out of his skin with terror.  This gets us both howling with laughter.

So..this brings me back to his snoring..right here, right now.  Do I hold my finger under his nose or should I crawl under the sheets and wish him a hearty good morning?  Hmm..I've held his breath before.  I thinkin' I'll be a little kinder today and crawl under the sheets.

Until next time...