Saturday, June 23, 2012

The Zombie Apocalypse Started at D's Wedding...(or possibly before)

I've been so incredibly blessed in my last relationship and in my current marriage to have amazing mother-in-laws.  They're both beautiful, warm, and gracious women.  In fact, during my seven tumultuous years with Jeff, his mother was a comforting beacon of light.  No matter how the arguments transpired, she never chose sides or tried to smooth things out.  She was the noble country of Switzerland bordered by the ever battling monarchies of France and Italy.  And may I just say for the record - France and Italy suffered some terrible disputes over the years.

Eric's mother is a gentle and sweet soul.  She raised five wonderful and devoted human beings the likes of whom I've never known.  These four brothers and one sister are fiercely loyal to one another and their families.  Nothing will or can separate the bond which ties them.  Fran is funny, sincere, and completely down to Earth.  She cries when she feels like it, tells you when she's annoyed, and if exhausted not afraid to say, "Hey, I'm going to lie down - help yourself to whatever you'd like in the kitchen."  I adore her and want to be just like her when and if I ever grow up.

Mother-in-laws.  A tender topic.  The reason I bring this up is because I've heard so many horrifying stories of mamas gone toxic.  Realizing that I've never experienced this curse (thank God), I have nothing but sympathy for my friends who have.  What is this phenomena all about?  Have these women always been a little left of center?  A pancake short of a stack?  A bacon cheeseburger sans the bacon?  What gives?  OR perhaps their child's wedding day shocked them into thinking, "Oh my goodness, my baby has left me for another human being!  Who's going to warm up my oatmeal and wipe my ass in 20 years?"  Oh, woe to the spouse!  The misery she will bestow beginning on that fateful wedding day.

The tragedy here is that oftentimes these witches don't only destroy their son's or daughter's-in-laws lives;  they cause mayhem throughout the generations.  Grand kids and great-grand kids, cousins, and their spouses - everyone is affected by the selfishness of one nasty, bitter old woman.

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The Zombie Apocalypse Started at D's Wedding...(or possibly before)

The title is a strange one - no doubt - but with all the zombie talk lately; movies, television shows, and books being published on the topic, it seems appropriate somehow. 

"Zombie"  Definition:  1.offensive term: an offensive term for a person considered to lack energy, enthusiasm, or the ability to think independently.

This is one of the many online definitions I found but the first which caught my eye.  I'll take it.  I hate using offensive terms but when the offensive term fits...

I have to admit, I don't know the intimate details; yet, I know enough to write a scathing blog about a complete stranger (lady, you messed with the wrong friend!).  My friend "D" (her name haz been zeriously shortened to prevent zay hag from plazing a ztrongah curse) took her mother-in-law on an extended vacation with her family this summer.  Already, a few weeks into it, the woman has caused hundreds of dollars of damage to their rental property, made disrespectful comments to my friend, and has been hurtful to her grandchildren.  Now she's demanding to go home because she is missing her pet.  Yes, that's right - kitty comes first.  Certainly my friend and her husband could say, "No", but to what end?  More nastiness?  Their summer vacation has come to a sad and sudden conclusion many weeks before it was due.  My last suggestion to "D", "throw mama from the train."

 "D"s mother-in-law is a zombie because - in all essence - she is dead.  She has no soul.  How can any person, anyone with a conscious, chose to destroy a family vacation knowingly - because c'mon, she knows what's she's doing!  She's not senile.  Not yet anyway.  How awful.

I've mentioned that I've worked as a CNA (Certified Nursing Assistant) in nursing homes.  I've been a patient care volunteer through Hospice.  I loved working with seniors; however, there were always folks at the care centers who had no one looking in on them.  No visitors.  They were always my first concern yet there were some who wouldn't take my love no matter how much I tried.  They refused the simplest of offerings.  These folks were bitter, mean, and hard-hearted until the moment they died...alone.  These type of people are the Zombies of life.  Their hearts died years ago.  They have nothing to offer.  They're walking, breathing, eating corpses and I have absolutely no sympathy for them.

I'm sorry "D" that you inherited one on your wedding day.  Not a nice gift to be sure.  Just remember that you have loving friends who'll support you through the dark times ahead.  Oh, and if you so choose to throw mama from the train - I'm thinkin' you'll get off scott free since she's already a zombie to begin with.

A scene from the movie, "Throw Mama from the Train"