Thursday, June 14, 2012

The trouble with sex shops...

Ha!  This topic just impulsively popped into my head (pardon the pun).  I don't want you, my dear friends and blog readers, to think that I frequent these types of business establishments often but I'm not going to lie either - I'm not a prude.  I've visited my fair share.  I find them extremely interesting and they're also, for today's modern woman, a necessity.  Certain ones; however, I wish I'd received some sort of warning before I stepped into.  You can't always tell from the outside what you'll encounter on the inside.  By this I mean, clientele, products, and/or cleanliness.  I'll let you consider this for a moment...ok, there you go.  Disturbing visuals, I'm sure.

There have been certain parties for which I've needed silly or obnoxious accoutrements, for example the six foot inflatable penis for my friend's divorce party last year.  In my mind, this was a "must have" inflatable which a newly divorced gal should not go without especially at an all women Martini gathering.  By the end of the evening, our blow-up was covered in red lipstick kisses.  The question is, could I have found this handsome feller at my local retail mall?  I don't believe so.

And what about every girl's best friend - our "C battery buddies"?  Ah, come on...I'm not alone on this one.  I know by countless conversations with women that many of us own one and these - girlies - aren't sold at any grocery store that I'm aware of.  We've all done a little shopping, haven't we?  Perhaps online or maybe we've let our partners take care of it for us?  It's all so seemly.  "If I order my toy, how will it be shipped?  In a nice, discreet brown box or will there be boobies all over it so the postal person will think perverts live at our address?!  If my partner buys the vibrator, he or she will probably buy the wrong kind or God forbid, get something else too..Oh my God!!" 

I, personally, have made the mistake of walking into stores with no windows in nasty parts of town.  Word of advice.  Es no bueno, or in other words - not a good idea.  I did my best not to run out clutching both my purse and body parts for fear of being assaulted.  Another place looked lovely and clean from the outside but once I walked in, I tried not to openly panic.  The battery toys looked as if they'd all been used, returned, and not sanitized.  Also, as I passed the video section, the first movie on the shelf was called, "Big and Bountiful in Boise".  The dude at the shelf was leering at me.  It was time to leave and leave quickly.

So, the trouble with sex shops is that unless you're familiar with the area, you don't know what you're getting yourself into.  You have to depend on your friends to suffer the humiliation beforehand.  I laugh when I remember my bestie telling me how one business asked her if she wanted to, "test her vibrator before she bought it."  She stared open mouth at the clerk trying to comprehend if the store had a private room or...

"I have some C batteries under the desk to see if it works the way it's supposed to."

"Oooohhh.  Yeah..that would be great.  Thanks!"

Now that's customer service.  This is where I'm buying my inflatables in the future!