Thursday, June 28, 2012

Sticks and stones...

The other night, as I stood before a room full of young comedians and let my comments roar into the microphone, I made what I believe was a serious faux pas within the amateur stand-up world; I went after another comedian. 

As many of my friends know, I have verbal diarrhea.  I'm not usually a mean spirited person.  I don't like confrontations and I certainly dislike making an enemy before I make an acquaintance, but in my mind, this fellow had it coming.  You see, he made an underhanded, snarky comment about my weight a few weeks ago.  Behind my back, quietly, and for no general reason he muttered, "whale" or "walrus" or some other "w" seafaring, fat mammal name as I was leaving the restroom.  This didn't bode well with me.  Jackass (aka, landfarming, dumb mammal).

I suppose his comment had been simmering in my memory bank for a while.  "How dare he?  Who does he think he is?  He's not even funny?  He's an annoying, screaming prick who thinks the world owes him a laugh."  So, in my typical, unscripted, open-mouth-insert-foot moment, I called him out indicating that his iconic hat is funnier than he is.  He didn't see my act, yet based on the laughter and other various responses in the room, I'm sure he'll hear about it.  Oh well, I can't get any bigger than a whale, and in my mind I distinctly believe that's the "w" seafaring, fat mammal he called me.

Where am I going with this blog?  Good question.  I've been called a lot of things in my life - most of which - at the time, I most likely deserved; however, I despise people getting harassed about their weight or how they look.  Having been overweight for most of my life, I've built up some pretty thick skin.  When this fool mumbled his insult, I was paranoid.  I was going onstage soon, I came by myself, and it was my third attempt at stand-up.  My nerves were raw.  I'd just finished convincing myself that I was cute, cool, and collective when this happened.  He was a total confidence breaker.

Having sat in the audience and listened to the routines of the other comedians, I'm very well aware of how many fat jokes are made.  It seems that ugly and fat comments are acceptable and fat jokes even more so because apparently fat people make themselves fat - open territory so to speak

Okay then, let's consider this.  So people who overdose on Heroin are funny or those who die of lung cancer?  Maybe we can find some humor about alcoholics who drink themselves to death?   I realize that life is a joke, a running joke, but I would no sooner make fun of a handicapped person as I would a fat one.  What if I were a handicapped, fat girl?  You betcha.  It's perfectly fine to laugh and find humor at my own weaknesses but when I attack others based on theirs, I become a bully.

So bullies of the universe, listen up.  This "fluffy" girl now has a couple of platforms to voice my displeasure on.  The first obviously is this blog.  Hell's Bells!  Get me riled up and I'll ramble on for hours.  And now, I literally have a stage.  I may not be on it for long, but with every new endeavor in life, I'm giving it three months.  To the hat wearing Jackass, or, as I now affectionately call him, Asshat - don't mess with me again.  Oh, and by the way, this whale would have really impressed you 200 pounds ago.