Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Pause for thought.

I love it when I look at my dog and say, "Tulip, what are you eating?" Like, what?  She's going to turn 'round and say, "Geez, ma!  Leave me alone already!  Can't you see I'm eating a choice piece of carpet?"  So, of course - I do the next obvious thing.  "TULIP!  WHAT ARE YOU EATING?"

We - people, pet owners, human beings, myself in particular - can be such dorks.  (*note to self for future blog postings: don't say Tulip's name while typing otherwise she'll growl, stare at me with those huge, beautiful, brown eyes, and guilt me into holding her.)  Why is this??  I'm going to take a few moments now and search for the answer to this last ridiculous question.

When I walk by a huge piece of fuzz (honestly, I'm not quite sure what it is) on the staircase, why - oh WHY - do I leave it there?  Perhaps the answer is in the question itself.  Is it because I'm frightened as to what it may be?  It's been sitting there for three days.  I think I've passed it more than 20-30 times a day in my endless housewifely duties - AND, in doing so - I continuously think to myself, "Ewww!  I should pick that nasty thing up."  Nope.  It remains untouched.

I'm forever in pursuit of a wayward smell.  Never mine own, of course.  I smell like roses.  Am I the only human being who'll actually walk out my front porch and step back in to determine if my house smells bad?  Possibly.  I can find fresh dog pee from up to two rooms away.  Unfortunately, no matter how well trained my sniffer, if the offender made his or her transgression while I was away and it had time to dry, it will rear its nastiness days later.  THIS is not acceptable.  I can certainly point my finger of blame and shame but I will not for the sake of another 18 years of marital bliss.  Crate training my friends, crate training.  Don't give in to the whims of your partner.  This is all I have to say about that...

Toothpaste and spit on a mirror.  Really?  No more needs to be written on this topic.

I've been typing this blog between folding underwear, talking on the phone, and eating white toast with peanut butter for the last hour.  I have not come up with a solution as to why people - myself in particular - have a tendency to be such dorks.  If anything, I've found more excuses as to why this term suits me so perfectly.  I'm hungry again.  The toast wasn't enough.  My brain is addled.

"Tulip are you hungry?  Tulip??"