Monday, March 26, 2012

"Good Morning, Sunshine!"

I often wonder what someone would think if there were a secret camera following me about all day.  I was considering this as I unceremoniously dribbled coffee down my sweatshirt not once but three separate occasions this morning, yawned at least half a dozen times (including now as I'm typing), and warned Austynn to stay away from the remainder of my coffee bowl (he likes to finish it for me).

Good Morning Sunshine
I'm also not a very pretty specimen to be sure.  After a day and a half without a shower, I'm certainly feeling it.  My teeth are sticking to the roof of my mouth, the cold coffee is thick on my tongue, and my hair is lifted off my forehead in a nasty I've-been-sitting-at-my-keyboard-in-a-far-too-long-look.  Also, I just generally smell.  It's a smell I hate admitting to but will for the purpose of this blog.  We all know the smell.  It's the gross close-my-legs-smell.  As soon as I finish writing, I'm feeding the boys and heading to my warm, sudsy bubble bath.  Camera there?  I think not.

Sleeping is just no bueno (no good) anymore.  Our dogs, in particular, Tank is the culprit.  He insists on sleeping between Eric and I, up front, and in the center.  All night long, his ass or face is in mine.   Tank is a sweet Lhasa Apso but really?  Every time he moves, he licks me up the nose.  I'm exhausted.  Dog drool all night long. 

When the dogs were ten weeks old - just puppies - I was setting out to crate train them for sleeping purposes.  Yes they were adorable and yes they whined.  Eric brought them on the bed to snuggle.  They've been with us ever since.  So I blame Eric for everything this morning.  I blame him for my cold coffee bowl.  My ugly hair.  The snoring Shih Tzu, Tulip, who is distracting my blog writing.  I blame him for Austynn, our 13 year old son, who woke up before 7:00am on his first day of Spring break and asked, "What's for breakfast?"  Are you kidding me?  Have an apple and leave me alone already!  I blame my husband for the state of the economy and finally yes, I even blame Eric for the smell between my legs (though I swear he had nothing to do with it last night).

So, if you are watching me on a secret video know that I'm giving you a double bird and that I'm extremely grumpy this morning.  If you happen to be my dear one, the love of my life, the apple of my eye, plan on my ignoring you for at least the first five minutes upon your arrival tonight.  Afterwards, I'll forgive you for everything, even the state of the economy -- but only if you bring home some conciliatory flowers.  The economy is at an all time low.  You're going to have to work a little harder in the way of an apology.