Friday, March 9, 2012

Bri Potts: Suburban Colorado's Vigilante Superhero

I was told yesterday by a friend I needed to add this music for effect.  Please play it for a moment to get the feel of my blog...

Ok now, envision me as the skinny tomboy, Sabrina from the 1970's television show, Charlie's Angels.  Well, shit...I'm not skinny, but that's who I wanted to be when I used to watch this show growing up.  Just do me a favor and superimpose my face on that body.  Here you go - I'll do some of the work for you:

Yesterday, I was there...feeling the thrill of the chase; just me and my Hyundai Santa Fe following a suspected wife beater in a silver Dodge van driving through the streets of Commerce City, Colorado.  I had the 911 operator on my Blue Tooth hands free car phone trailing this nasty feller giving the license plate information, the description of the suspect, and where he was heading.

Suddenly I transformed into this TV character.  All I needed was John Bosley on the line calling the shots.  I knew what I had to do.  I had to save this lady from this villainous gangster.  In my mind, I was ready to get out of my car and give him some Karate chops to the groin and some knocks to the head regardless of the fact that he was probably carrying a gun and I had no idea how to impose a Three Stooges eye poke much less a painful slap to the face.  I was pumped.  I was Sabrina Duncan, dammit.  The tough, bitchy Charlie's Angel from the 1970's TV show and no woman was going to be hurt by some punk ass kid on my watch. 

Uh oh...he knows I'm following him.  Oops, he's pulled into a deserted warehouse just off the freeway entrance..

Bri to the 911 operator:  Sir I believe he's aware I've followed him..

911 Operator:  Ma'am, how do you know this?

Bri:  Umm..beecaaauuse he's getting out of the van, holding his child in his arms and waving gangland signs at me...uh oh...

911 Operator:  Ma'am, do not get out of the car, approach him, or speak to him at all.  Do you see police cars in the area?

At this point, Sabrina Duncan had skunked off, peed her pants (metaphorically speaking), and hid in her childhood closet clutching her teddy bear. 

Bri:  Yes I see a couple of cars pulling in.  Do I need to stay or can I leave now? 

911 Operator:  Since this is a domestic dispute, you may leave.  Thank you for your assistance.  Please be careful as you leave the area.  The officers are aware of who you are.  They'll contact you if they have any questions.

As I was leaving I was secretly pleased with myself for a job well done. 

Another bad guy stopped in the process of a heinous deed.  Breezy the vigilante on the streets of suburban Colorado.  Watch out bad guys I'm keeping my eye out for you.  Perhaps I should buy myself a mask and cape?  No.  Remember how embarrassing it was the time I called 911 on that truck driver right after the World Trade Center bombings?  Geez, the poor dude was just delivering milk to the grade school down the street.  One criminal at a time, Bri.  No wild goose chases, just evil villains caught, captured, and convicted.  Hooha!