Monday, February 6, 2012

Violence and War vs. Love and Peace

Another weekend has gone by and I face a houseful of chores.  For some reason today doesn't seem so daunting.  Recently, I've gone through my calendar and removed obligations that I would normally have on a weekly basis.  These were volunteer projects.  Obviously by volunteering, they were things near and dear to my heart, but with time as a valuable commodity, I needed to start looking at what made sense for me.

The boys, in particular my oldest, have had some additional behavioral issues as of late.  Could it be that he's sixteen and every hormone in his body is telling him to rebel against mom and dad?  Quite possibly.  Add that to the fact that he's still trying to figure out how to communicate appropriately due to his Aspergers and is throwing rage about from prior abuse history - well, Eric and I have a ticking time bomb on our hands.

Everything we say, William misinterprets due to his autism.  He's paranoid.  We're out to get him.  The world is against him and because of this he's going to get the world.  Pretty frightening stuff.  My husband and I are on constant alert.  We keep an eye on everything he does.  We're always explaining what people's intentions are.  No "Mature" video games.  No gun play.  No knives, etc.  We talk love and peace.  He talks violence and war.  

Austynn is right behind him.  Our thirteen year old is different somehow.  There's a gentleness to him, a childlike quality that he'll always possess.  He too speaks of war but has an innocence about him which makes him completely unaware of the ugliness it brings.  When I explain to Austynn that war tears families apart, he explains that he's more interested in the "mechanics" of it.  He likes the way the machinery works. Then, he immediately changes the subject and asks if he can snuggle with me.  You see, Austynn doesn't like to talk about about unpleasant things.  Death and ugly are bad.  He wants to cuddle up in my arms and talk about Legos instead.

So today I have a clear schedule.  I'll fix Austy some breakfast, comb his hair, and get him off to school.  I'll go through the house and pick up from this weekend's lazy lay-about.  Perhaps later this morning, I'll meet some friends for coffee, we'll discuss our special needs kids, and work out a plan to get through another tough week ahead of us.

This is good.  I need more time for me - more time to focus on the afternoons and plan out how to handle the hours between 2:30 and 8:30pm; the hours when my boys are talking about violence and war.  I need this quiet time to focus and center myself completely on love and peace. 

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