Monday, February 20, 2012

Old, worn-in slippers - they suit this birthday girl just fine.

Ok.  So today is my birthday.  45 years old and still tickin'.  A big number?  I guess so.  A milestone?  Hell, yeah.  It's the slice straight down the center of the cake.  If a number defines "middle age" then 45 is it in bold, blazing, hightlighted, neon colors.  What color?  I'm thinkin' green.  Bright, seaweed green.

I'm not bemoaning the age.  It's just curious to me, that's all.  I can admit with all candor that when 30 rolled around, I was ready to call it quits.  Oh, the drama!  When I look back I can perfectly understand how I was feeling but it was hard to explain at the time.  At 30, I was just rolling off of a divorce and had recently remarried.  My life was still in an upheaval.  Yes, I was getting back on my feet but at 30 I thought I should already have it together;  the house, the family, the white picket fence - not walking into a new marriage with thousands of dollars worth of debt and no carreer opportunities.  Life is never so simple - so cookie cutter.  I suppose that's what we learn as we get older.

What have I learned at this milestone?  A couple of really cool things.  One, no matter what happens, the wise words spoken to me by Eric's Grandmother, Bernice Bolton, several years ago continue to ring true; everything will work out in the end.  She laughed as she told me this, probably as I was worrying about something one of the boys had done at school that day.  Grammy, who's still alive but now wouldn't remember me or this conversation, is a cherished part of my life.  I miss our chats over coffee more than anyone could ever imagine.

The final lesson, and this is a tough one for a daughter who fought like Hell never to agree with her mother, the 40's will be the best years of my life.  Yes, I agree.  The 40's are wonderful.  At this time in my life, I'm not concerned so much with what other people think of me.  I say what I feel, I'm confident, and for the first time in my life I'm beautiful in my own skin.  It's a liberating decade and I'm relishing it.

Birthday wishes??  I honestly don't have any.  I'm where I want to be; in a warm, cozy bed drinking coffee next to my husband, doing what I want to do - writing.  More money, a book deal, slippers without holes in them?  Sure that would be nice.  But ultimately, I don't believe that particular cookie cutter is sold in the store.  If I find it, great.  If not, I'm content.  Oh, and my slippers have a nice, worn-in feel to them which suits this 45 year old just fine.  

1 comment:

Margaret said...

Well said, my friend! Enjoy your day to the fullest and may 45 put a smile on your face today and every day! :)