Wednesday, February 29, 2012

"Breezy the Enforcer" and her intimidating stare.

I did it.  The show down.  The stare off.  The quiet, stank eye.  And, amazingly so...it worked - for all of ten seconds that is.  But in those ten seconds I felt like the superpower adult that I was.  The incredible grown-up.  I had earned my distinction, my title, my years of wisdom.  I had succeeded in quieting a group of 7 and 8-year olds with nothing more than an arched eyebrow.  Yes, I was "Breezy the Enforcer".

Then it happened.  What every teacher dreads.  The teacher's assistant who showed blatant disregard for what I had just worked so diligently to accomplish, calm.

I believe I've mentioned before that I teach Catholic catechism on Tuesday nights.  Oh sweet Lord in Heaven, how do You allow this to happen?  Bri is so naughty and swears like a sailor!  Well, obviously I tone down my cursing for the wee ones.  It's my belief that 4-letter words are precisely that...words.  If I choose to sound like an ignorant slut (thank you, Mr. Dan Akroyd), it's no one's sad business but my own.  I certainly attempt not to offend people, swear around children, or use the Lord's name in vain; however, I have been known to slip on all three occasions.  I think it has something to do with being brought up in a staunch Catholic home.  We Catholics are known to be the greatest cussers of them all.  As far as my being naughty, well - I try to be good but I'm thinkin' I was just born this way.  I do my best but most days the devil in me wins out.

Because I have a few issues, this doesn't disqualify me from being a religious education teacher.  On a positive note, at least I admit to having some faults.  The other teachers are in a constant gaggle of gossip about yours truly.  Now I ask you, is this nice?  They don't like the way I teach.  They think the kids should sit at tables and not on the floor.  They don't like that we sing, dance, and laugh during class.  They don't like that we play, Follow the Leader, on the way into church.  They don't like that I start off the evening with a juice box and snack.  Maybe they don't like the fact that all my students show up every week?  Hmm...

Last night was a tough night.  I don't know what happened but it seemed like someone spiked my kiddos water with caffeine before they walked in the doors.  I only have eleven students but it felt more like thirty.  Hyperactivity was abound.  Add to the nonsense that both my boys were not behaving, and oh my goodness.  William was downstairs plying himself with four shots of double Espresso (yes, you did read that correctly) and my youngest who was expressly instructed not interrupt was constantly hmm, what??  INTERRUPTING!  Lovely.  The evening could not have gone any smoother.

When I gave the stank eye, the stare off - which might I add, I've never had to do before with my sweet class - I thought, ok this should do it.  I have the class under control.  Then my darling teacher's assistant - oh, I forgot to mention - that would be my husband Eric, took off his shoes and started wiggling his toes next to me while I was trying to explain the difference between the words, "fasting" and "abstinence" (Catholics are currently in the season of Lent).  It was all over.  Finito.  Calm had exited the room.  If I were a second grader and a grown up started wiggling his hairy toes next to my teacher, would I care about the difference between these two boring words?  Of course not.

Believe it or not, there was a purpose behind his bare toes.  We had planned on outlining our feet for an art project later in the class.  I just had hoped he'd keep his socks on at least for this part of the discussion.

Oh, it was a tough night alright; however, the one positive that came out of it was the discovery of this superpower, "The Intimidation Stare".  Now if I can just harness my strength and maintain it for longer than ten seconds and overcome the evil wiles of my teacher's aide, I will become invincible!

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