Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Open Mouth, Insert Foot

I've been feeling a bit off lately.  It's difficult to describe but for those of you out there in the Internet world who take medication for depression or bi-polar, you might understand what I'm talking about.

I've screwed up with my medications.  They've been altered slightly by my psychiatrist and some are waiting to be filled and some I just haven't taken.  To be quite honest with you, I'm not quite sure sure what's up or down.  To add to the confusion, this 44 year old woman has had a pregnancy scare to frighten all middle aged women into celibacy for the rest of their middle age years.  Laugh.  Go ahead.  It was/is serious enough for me to walk into Walgreen's and spend money I didn't have on an early pregnancy detection kit.  It's still a little too early to know, but if the symptoms I've been experiencing the last three days don't fade away soon...well, let's just say friggin' inconceivable.

So today, everything and everyone has made me grumpy...especially Austynn.

"Are you wearing your belt?"

"I don't need a belt."

"Austynn, go put a belt on."

"Mom, what is it with you and belts?"

"I don't want to see your butt crack and I know your teacher doesn't want to either." (Have I mentioned how brutally honest I can be at times?)

"MOM!" 

"It's true, now go.  GO!"  He sulked off to find his belt.

While I was pulling my hair up into a loose pony tail, he came back into my bathroom to finish combing his hair.  "At least I don't have a hairy butt like William."

"Austynn, are you wearing your belt?"  I know full well how this can go.  Sometimes he wanders off, chooses to deliberately disobey me, and comes back in to continue the same conversation where we left off.   He showed me his belt.  Good.  Dodged that battle.  "Thank you."

"Do I, mom?"

"Do you, what?"

"Have a hairy butt like.." 

Oh, good grief!  "Austynn, can we drop this?  Your butt will be just as hairy as William's soon enough so the sooner you get over it, the better."  Austy's face dropped.  "Get used to wearing a belt now so you won't forget like William does." 

It occurred to me that perhaps Austynn doesn't want to be as hairy as his brother.  Uh oh.  News Flash -- he's going to be 3x as furry.  Poor kid.  Open mouth, insert foot. 

"Tell you what, Austynn - when you grow up, you can be a Mountain Man with a long beard."  He seemed to like where this was going.  He loves stories about himself.  "You can be a big, ferocious, furry dude in the Rockies and make friends with all the bears and critters up there."

"And I can take care of them.."

"Yes.  You'll be their caretaker.."

"And..."

This story continued until I dropped him off at the curb of his school building and will most likely continue until bedtime tonight.  Now he'll actually be grateful about eventually having a hairier butt than William.  An amazing save, don't you think?
  

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