Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Lord, why am I so impulsive?

I realize that I speak my mind.  But damn it, can't I just think twice before I open my mouth or stretch out my fluffy fingers and let my thoughts roar?
This Boy looks like an IDIOT!
For those of you who don't know me, consider this...if I'm having a bit of a bad day, never, ever have an equally bad day near me.  I, in my narcissistic way, could never understand that you might be suffering from an ingrown toenail (I'm using this as an example).  It's impossible that you've been standing on your feet and working a 12 hour shift at a restaurant and I might be your last table of the evening so don't even scowl at me when I take 10 minutes to order a salad and change my mind three times about what type of dressing I want on it (no, I've personally not done this, but I have a family member who is quite capable).  I know this is your job.  I know you're supposed to be pleasant.  So I am in no way willing to accept someone being snotty with me because if so, all Hell will break loose.  Don't you know I'm in a pissy mood?!  Can't you tell? 

To those of you who do know me and have been on the receiving end of my grumpy jibes and ill humor, I love you and I'm sorry.  What is it about me that sets me off so quickly?  Why do I do this?  Is it an inherited trait like my tripping techniques or a skill mastered with time for example, discussing bathroom humor with perfect strangers?  If so, I want to trade it in like the lemon that it it.  Isn't there a "lemon law" on the books somewhere?  Have I passed the statute of limitations on this?  I mean, I realize I'm 44 years old, but having just come to this realization, I believe I'm entitled to a wee bit of leeway on this one.  Good grief! 

I've been told that my outspokenness and impulsively are cute.  I don't know if I want to be described as "cute" anymore.  It's getting kind of embarrassing.  How about sexy, seductive, sensual...but cute?  No way.  No can do.  No thank you.  It just doesn't do it for me anymore.  I guess I'll start working on the mysterious aspect of my personality.  I'll let you all start guessing what I think of your crappy hair cuts from now on.  Oops.  I guess I'll start being my mysterious self tomorrow.  By the way, I like most of your haircuts.  Most.

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