Wednesday, May 18, 2011

The Topic is Boogers

I know, Gross.  Totally disgusting in every way but if you have children or grew up surrounded by brothers and/or sisters it is or was a common household issue.

Some families discuss them openly because they're a natural everyday occurrence to be dealt with efficiently and neatly.  Most families consider them gross, revolting, or funny however they happen to creep into a conversation. 

Sometimes they don't creep into conversations at all.  Sometimes they explode for instance, "Who smeared the snot boogie on the chair in the family room?" or "Why did someone wipe a booger above the roll of toilet paper?"  These things drive me crazy.  Notice how I don't accuse any one person?  It's because I know the House Troll is responsible and he certainly won't admit to these crimes. 

When I'm certain of the culprit, and there's no way around the truth, I go straight to the source of the scene.  "Son (who's name shall be withheld to protect him from future humiliation), I want you to work with dad this weekend and scrape the boogers off your ceiling."

Awkward silence, "Those aren't mine, mom".

"I see.  Well then, they belong to someone and that someone has an impressive booger flicking technique.  They'll need to be scraped off before any PlayStation time this weekend.  Don't do it again, understood?"

"Yes, Mom."

Growing up in my home, we had a special chair, a gold, velveteen chair.  This chair was situated in the perfect position for ultimate television viewing comfort.  It's secret name between three little girls and one brother at the time was called, "The Booger Chair".  I don't believe I need to go into any great depth as to why it was called this.  My mother wasn't aware of it's name until we were much older; however, I remember this chair was the one she guided her guests to at parties and get togethers.  Gruesome.

This is the time I get to drag my in-laws into my sordid blog stories.  My husband, Eric has told me his fair share of booger lore in his large family too.  One of his younger brothers used to taunt his sister by placing "slimies" on her door knob before she entered her room.  And one particular story (which goes down as my all time favorites and places this brother in the highest esteem possible in my eyes) is that Eric's sister had a wooden plaque of a little girl with a finger outstretched.  This same brother, who shall remain nameless, had it in his mind that this outstretched finger needed a lot of boogers on it.  The plaque needed a little more character, I suppose.  Perfect.

Finally, a co-worker and I had a serious laugh one day on an elevator.  This experience has since convinced me never to touch elevator keys with my fingers.  Someone (probably Eric's brother) thought it would be funny to supply a few well placed boogies on the elevator keys.  My friend found a couple of them.  Totally disgusting in every way.

Life is gross.  Laugh at it and keep some hand sanitizer with you at all times.

1 comment:

Leigh Ann said...

I read this one to my hub...he and his brother (no sisters) were booger kings, he says. 'Farmer Johns' are totally acceptable to him (only outside, of course, he's not THAT uncouth!) and I found him teaching that very technique to my 6 yr old son last weekend.
Personally, any 'boog' in a nose of any kid under my care isn't safe. I will pin that kid down and promptly remove it because I can't stand to see it looming there, just screaming for a finger to pick it. Anyway, enough of my snotty stories...:)