Tuesday, May 31, 2011

"They" Are Always Right...Bastards!

School Break.  Day??  I stopped counting after three.

Teenage years are Hell.  They were right - whoever "they" are and I hate "them".  Bastards. 

As I eluded to in one of my prior blogs, summer break with my two boys, ages fifteen (almost sixteen) and twelve (almost thirteen), has so far not been very pleasant and, might I add, this is only the day after Memorial Day.  Deep sigh.  I've been pleasant and positive.  I have sincerely tried.  I even took them to see a movie over the weekend.  A kids' movie.  Strike that - a teenage boy movie.  My husband stopped volunteering to go some time back.  You see, Austynn is not the easiest of movie goers.

William and his friend, whom we treated after having spent the night, sat on their own in a completely separate part of the theater.  They have learned long ago what Austynn is capable of during movies and don't want to be associated with the goofy middle age lady and her crazy son.  Ok, I get it.  That's cool. 

The movie was a weekend blockbuster and it was a packed house.  When an older gentleman sat down next to Austy with his two sons I thought everything would be ok.  At least it wasn't a couple of teenagers who smelled like smoke because my kiddo would certainly have lectured them about dying a painful death and how badly they smelled (yes, been there done that).  No, instead when the gentleman softly coughed to clear his throat, Austynn discussed this with him.  Didn't this man know he should cover his mouth and say, "excuse me".  Really?  Like Austynn has ever done that in his life!  My first apology.

Throughout the movie, in addition to the screaming, hooting, and hollering which Austynn contributes so beautifully to the soundtrack, he also has the habit of giving his very loud opinion to just about every other scene.  It's one very long meandering sentence which repeats continuously the same thought repeatedly over and over in different detail and thought process until you think he's finished and then he continues with something else because he has another thought but then he remembers something else and so on and so on and so on....STOOPPPP!  My second apology.

Then the inevitable happened.  The long, drawn-out, stinky fart.  This one was so long and so loud, I couldn't believe it was a real until the smell wafted up to my nostrils.  How awful.  Of course the man next to us was extremely polite about it.  When I looked over and offered my third apology, he merely shifted in his seat and smiled.  What else could he do?

Towards the end of the movie, Austynn remembered that he didn't get to play PlayStation before we left the house.  "Mom, when we get home, can I play PlayStation?"

"Shhhh!  We'll talk about it when we get home, Austynn.  Watch the movie."

Two minutes later, "Mom, I didn't get my time before we left.  Can I play it?"

"If you ask me one more time, you're going to lose it.  Now be quiet and stop disturbing everyone and watch the movie.  It's almost over."

Less than three minutes later, during the final scene when everything was quiet, "Mom, William got to play but I didn't!"

"That's it!"  No PlayStation!"  We'll talk about this when we get out.  Now be QUIET!"

As we gathered up our things and Austynn continued to argue over the PlayStation, I placed my fourth and final apology to our gentleman.  He merely nodded and rushed his boys out of the theater.  The sooner he could get away from us the better.  Another new friend, lovely. 

My other teenagers eventually wandered up to us.  I asked how they liked the movie.  It was a silly question because I heard them laughing and clearly enjoying themselves.  Score one for mom.  Yeah!  William's friend gushed over it.  It was AWESOME.  Thank you so much, Mrs. Potts and so on and so forth.  My surly, sour puss fifteen year old?  It was ok.  Not as good as the first one.  ARRRGHH!  The only thing keeping me from whacking William on the back of his head was that I was still surrounded by other moviegoers.

"They" are always right...Bastards!

1 comment:

Brenda said...

A sad story, but as so many of your others are...quite funny when expressed with your humor. Did you know that they offer sensory movie time at some theaters? For kids like Austy who like to talk, jump around, etc. Well, I didn't see fart on the list. But, you get the idea. It might be worth it...maybe?