Monday, April 18, 2011

The Subject is Boobs

This is a singular topic in that it affects just about everyone.  If you're a man, they turn you on.  If you're a man and they don't, then I suspect you find them intriguing and you probably wouldn't mind having a pair.  (Don't wince, I'm calling it like I see it.)  Women will pay thousands of dollars to enhance their cup size.  Personally, in the past, this tomboy would have paid thousands of dollars to reduce her cup size.  It's all very strange.

In my case, they get in the way.  I've adjusted throughout the years but there are still times when their presence baffles me.  What do I do with them?  Where do they go?  For instance, last Wednesday was my first guitar lesson.  (Yes, this 44 year old is taking guitar lessons and plans on playing "Hey, Jude" sitting in front of my fire pit by summer's end.)  It was awkward at best.  I was sitting in a small room, with a twenty something instructor dude named, Will, on a tiny stool with my ancient, cracked guitar, and the majority of the room filled with my breasts.  My guitar had nowhere to go.  I couldn't get my arms around it.  I think this actually embarrassed the instructor dude.  We had to make up a new style of holding the guitar based on my chest size.  The guitar was even confused.

After years of struggling with this kind of stuff, it's nothing new.  I was very athletic in junior high.  Sports bras?  Are you kidding me?  I couldn't find one in my size.  When I played basketball, I ran up and down the court practically crossing my arms in front of my chest because it hurt to run. I can not count how many bras were broken going down drops on roller coasters.  When I was teased, it was about my bust size.  Not a pleasant joke for someone who was painfully self conscious about it.  I never wore tight shirts.  I never showed cleavage.  I believe I mentioned this in one of my earlier blogs, but I was extremely modest growing up.

So what does a tomboy do when she's given a gift that most girls want?  She hides behind over sized sweaters, extra value meals, and double servings of mashed potatoes.  Eventually those boobs are just part of a bigger body that no one notices or if they do, it's just another fat girl who looks like every other fat girl. 

What an amazing thing a body part can do to a person's self-image.  I'm working past that now.  I realize that I'm a funny, rather extraordinary human being with beautiful eyes and an amazing spirit.  My body is what it is.  If people find it beautiful, terrific.  If not, their loss.  I understand that it's what God has given me.  Some days I stretch out nude before the mirror and realize what horrible things I've done to it.  I've undergone life threatening surgery to take off weight.  Ok, that was stupid.  Move on.  I've starved myself with weight loss treatments, gone through OA programs, physically hurt myself...why?  Exactly, why? 

I'm beautiful.  I don't give a shit how big my boobs are anymore.  Yes, they're big.  Oh well.  Yes, my BMI is high and I've put on some weight since the surgery.  Who the fuck cares?  I'm done with that.  I shouldn't have had the surgery to begin with.  I mutilated my body.  I'm done starving myself.  I'm done counting carbs and worrying about the ounces of meat on my plate.  If I want an ice cream cone, I'm going to have one.  So, take me as I am.  Love me or leave me.  I don't really care.  My boobs are staying as they are.  Eric, you can relax now.  No breast reduction for Breezy.

4 comments:

Eric said...

I agree, you should never reduce and asset! Thank you Breezy!

Bri Potts said...

I knew you would appreciate it, Eric!

Brenda said...

Huzzah!!! I love to hear a woman speak about being herself!! Be you and love it. :)

Leigh Ann said...

Somehow, I missed this post on Sunday, and I am so glad that I noticed and read it today. Hoorah for you, Bri! I, too, was 'blessed' w/boobs at a young age, they have always been a defining adjective used to describe me...I always winced at being called 'busty'. An ex-friend (you wrote about her type a while back)who was known as 'petite' always said that when God handed out tits & asses, she hid behind the door and I went back for 2nds and 3rds. I've done the diets, the hiding, the lack of self confidence. Like the friends that you realize aren't worth your time & effort anymore, the self hatred isn't either. I'm a smart, fun-spirited, giving person who has an hourglass figure...with too much time in most places. Oh well, that's me...take it or leave it.
Thank you for reminding me, Bri...I always knew you were someone special...believe it, Lady! <3