Thursday, April 14, 2011

It Costs Money to Be Sad

So here we were, Eric and I sitting at our dining room table last night and groaning, "What happened?  Where did all our money go?"  Let us recall last weekend to my "deep dark" my nickname for my bouts of bipolar disorder which falls upon the household like a rock. 

Friday was grocery shopping day.  These days usually mean there is nothing, and I mean nothing - no bread, milk, etc., in the house.  I was immobile - locked in a fetal position in a dark room.  If I had a pacifier I probably would have been using it.  Not a pretty picture.  Depression is ugly.  It's debilitating and I do not mean to paint a silly picture of it but sometimes that's all I can do from my stand point.  I can either laugh or cry and I've done my fair share of crying over it.  Could Eric have gone grocery shopping when he had come home from work?  Probably.  Did he want to?  No.  So he scrambled the boys the few eggs we had left and took me out for a quiet bowl of onion soup (no meat on Fridays during Lent for Catholics). 

And this is how the rest of our weekend went.  Quietly.  We did a little shopping here and there as I could handle it and the crowds.  Eric took me to a movie and had me buy some flowers for the backyard.  Things we would normally not do before we sat down and paid our bills. 

Finally I had the strength and courage to face the grocery store.  My depression is at bay for the time being.  My medication is doing its job and last night we could not put off the inevitable any longer, we pulled out the bill box.  Sadness is expensive. My husband held it together while we reconciled one receipt after another.   He has so much patience with me.  I love Eric beyond words.  Everyone has a hero.  What a blessing that mine walks in the door at the end of every day.


Brenda said...

In the darkness there is light and sometimes he is just a regular guy. :)

Eric said...

You are my best friend, lover and soul mate. I live you Bri!