Wednesday, April 20, 2011

I Was Crackin' Myself Up Last Night

As many of you know, I'm still in the ever elusive search for my cell phone. Being the eternal optimist for all things lost (in particular, things I've lost), I believe that it will show up eventually. Eric, my husband, on the other hand, tends to be more realistic and feels that it's time to call the phone company and make sure no one is charging calls overseas and making girlfriends the easy way. As of tomorrow, a lovely new cell phone will arrive on my doorstep. Just another stressful reminder that I had the last one for less than a year. Fortunately, I'm a bit of a procrastinator and never wasted my precious time programming phone numbers. This whole cell phone adventure is one of the many reasons I find myself so amusing. Even though Eric ordered the new phone last night, I felt it was truly necessary to give the search one last shot so down on my hands and knees I went to look underneath my china cabinet. What did I find? Not the phone. Of course not, that would have been too easy. No, instead a plethora (again, lovin' that word!) of dust bunnies.

I know, I know -- your brain is rattling and your eyes are rolling (or is it the other way around?). How did I get from there to here? Don't think about it too long or you'll self-combust. All I can say is that next to bird seed on my tile, the other dreaded enemy to my eyes are dust bunnies.

Now, let me explain that this whole search and rescue operation happened while Eric was at a community meeting and the boys were upstairs getting ready for bed. I should have been reclining comfortably with a glass of refreshing diet lemonade and watching Turner Classic Movies without interruption on the beautiful new LED, LTD, LEV whatever the heck flat screen thing we have once I learn how to use the new remote control(s) combination system. (Really? Why do we need two remotes? Explanation, please.) Not so. Instead, I was totally excited about the $3.00 doohickey attachment I bought months ago through mail order for my vacuum. It's a narrow tube which reaches underneath dressers and china hutches to attack such awful invaders as I discovered last night. I found myself laughing gleefully as I sucked them up. I thought I heard screaming coming from the little bastards. It was bliss! I bow my head in shame. It is true. I profusely enjoy using my $3.00 doohickey vacuum attachment.

Once I demolished the enemy, I had forgotten all about my cell phone and started a new and destroy. Floating balls of dust located in lost forgotten corners of the house were my targets along with any other hidden, tiny, miscellaneous, corner bits of crud. With my $3.00 doohickey vacuum attachment lethal weapon in hand, there was no recourse. The war was on. I could not stop. It was like some sort of sick addiction. I attacked the vents on the refrigerator, underneath my sink (those spilt coffee grounds had no chance), and yes - the bird seed behind the piano. Then, my obsession became quite funny. I was cackling with laughter at myself. Austynn heard me from his bedroom and asked me if I was ok. I was probably frightening him to be sure. There's nothing unusual with mom vacuuming at strange times throughout the day but to laugh like a witch, he was most likely terrified. I knew I had gone too far. It was time to put my doohickey away for another day. Damn it! I was having so much fun. I am a sick, sad, and twisted individual.

Oh, by the way, I never did find the stupid phone last night but at least I had a darn good time looking for it.

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