Wednesday, April 27, 2011

The Entire Spa Experience

Oh the Spa!  Invented for women by women (well, this fact I can't be sure of but I have a male friend whom I'm certain will look this up and correct me if I'm wrong).  What a wondrous place.  The lovely fragrances, the soft lighting, the forest or ocean sounds mixed with pleasant background music, and what do I not hear?  Children.  Heaven on earth in a small building with plush towels, pleasant staff, and comfortable overstuffed chairs.  In fact, now that I think about it, the staff does what it can to make the Spa experience everything that your home is not.  No wonder it's so popular!

I used to be so intimidated by the idea of going to one.  The years I wasted by this silly notion!  These people want me to leave my house with the dishes in the sink and my sick husband in bed.  They also know that once they've hooked a girl like me, they have her for life.  You see, I'm not one of those ladies who are content with a basic manicure and can go home.  No.  I must have the Entire Spa Experience. 

I've been known to walk in when an establishment opens and be the last customer out the door.  I must have the whole kit and kaboodle; not the standard sixty minute rub down but the deep tissue, hour and a half with aroma therapy massage.  After which, I enjoy a relaxing cup of Rose Tea (by the way, I hate tea) and sit with eyes closed in front of the fireplace, if available, waiting for my full ninety minute, anti-aging, exfoliation, and lavender wrap facial.  Ooooh.  Hmmm.  The pimple popping lady will then escort me to the large tub room filled with scented earth candles where I will immerse my pampered body for thirty minutes.  The staff outside are trained professionals.  The ignore my moans or nod their heads in approval because they know their customer is content.  Off to the relaxation room again wrapped in my big, fluffy white bathrobe now sipping cold cucumber water (by the way, I hate cucumbers), and sit with eyes closed in front of the fireplace, if available, waiting for my full ninety minute spa pedicure and manicure.

To think I wasted all those years being paranoid.  As far as I'm concerned, there are only three things to worry about.  One, will the robe be big enough to cover my boobs.  To solve this issue in advance, I always check with the assistant and point out the fact that, yes I am a big girl.  Please supply an appropriate sized robe.  I do not like sharing my business with the lady trimming my toe nails.  Secondly, the flip over on the massage table.  This is a tricky one.  Yes, I am completely covered at all times.  It is the body flopping noise that is particularly distressing.  There is just no genteel way to describe it -- my apologies.  Prior to the massage, I ask to have the pretty relaxation music a little louder so I can fully relax if you know what I mean.  And finally, the cost.  After the beautiful day, I have the illusion that the bill will be as comforting as the experience.  Wrong - and I don't even like cucumbers!


Leigh Ann said... make it sound wonderful! I've never gone myself. It took me a while to wrap my head around someone touching my feet, but I have since learned to love pedicures. I think I would probably love the facial and the soaking in the tub, but not the rub down/massage. I have never liked those...not even romantically. Now if they have someone who wants to scratch my back for 90 minutes while I lay there w/soft music and some lotion...I'M THERE!

Brenda said...

Lovely. I was intimidated by spa my whole life. A friend took me with her to try it and I was captured. I still get intimidated by push through it with the promise of pampering. The two things I hate are small robes and massages filled with annoying chatter. So glad you enjoyed your day. :)