Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Damn the Alarm Clock!

Why can't the alarm clock go off in the morning like it's supposed to?  Seriously?  Why do I have to roll over in a state of cozy bliss, scramble to pull myself up and over Eric's shoulders to peak at the time, subtract the ten minutes that my husband adds to outsmart our brains into thinking we're early, and then realize how late we actually are?  Shit!

Bri:     (accusatorily)  Didn't you set the alarm clock last night?

Eric:    (groggily) I thought I did... (jumps out of bed)  What the fu...

Bri:     What do you mean, "you thought you did"?  You either did or you didn't!  (state of cozy bliss has moved on to state of irritation and bitchy hag nagginess)

After fifteen years of marriage, Eric knows that this state of bitchy hag nagginess will only last moments and decides to let it ride its course.  Better not to say a word and let the dogs cheer me up.  He leaves the room in his underwear to wake up William who only has ten minutes to get ready for school.  Bri watches Eric's droopy drawers walking away and starts giggling.  Her bitchy hag nagginess has left the building.

Eric:    (Returns from William's room)  I'll take William to school.  By the way, he's complaining that he has gas cramps and can't go.

Bri:    (Being the ever maternal and genteel ladylike figure of the household, she hollers from her bedroom to William's) You're not staying home because you have gas, Will.  We'll give you two minutes to lay on your belly and fart.  After that, it's Gas-X, a Pop-Tart, and out the door! 

Eric:    Nice!

Bri:     Hey, you know it!  Thanks for taking him to school, Potsie.  I forgive you for the alarm clock. (giggles)  I love you.


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